Recently my minds been travelling back to the passed. I have both good and bad memories. Those that are good I hope to carry with me throughout my entire life. Those that are bad I would also like to carry with me, to help me heal from wounds, to teach me.
This places my mind keeps bringing back to me aren't exactly pleasant times in my history.
My worse fears are; dying or losing the ones I love through death. Therefore you'll understand what these mean to me...
Once, when I was younger my uncle wasn't exactly being too clever and decided to visit some friends a few miles from his home. He made it there safely, had a nice evening from what I can gather. However on his way home, it had began to snow causing the roads to be icy. Unfortunately he hit some ice as he was crossing a stone bridge, broke through the stone so him and his car were falling into the river which laid below, freezing - waiting to hold him in it's firm grip. Later that very evening we recieved a phone call. My older brother said as a joke "We only get phone calls this late if something bads happened" He was very right, something bad had happened. We we're told he hadn't made it. Myself, my mum and my brother, didn't believe this for a second. You know when you get that 'feeling'?, that you just know everything will be okay. But all we could do was wait, wait and wait...
The next morning my Nana came round with the news that he was alive but not in the greatest condition, though he would heal - which was the main thing. Thankfully my uncle is here and alive today.
Only a few years back my auntie and uncle had come to the whole family with the news that they were pregnant and engaged, to be married as soon as possible. Their wedding was magical, everything they could have asked for. Just two days after their wedding my aunt gave birth to their first child, unfortunately the baby was four months early, their were many complications. The doctors didn't believe he'd live, they gave him only days. This baby was strong and didn't let go of his life without a fight. His health slowly seemed to be improving, and with that our hope of his survival increased. It almost seemed like a miracle until that miracle ended. His life lasted 16 days longer than anyone thought it would. The day he passed on was the saddest day of my entire life, I've never experinced someone close to me dying.
Words cannot explain the feelings I felt. It was also the one and only day I was allowed to visit him, it was said they didn't believe he was going to be able to fight any longer so myself and family rushed to the hosptial which was 50 miles away, as fast as possible. Usually babies are cute and bouncy little things. He wasn't, his body wasn't the size of my hand. His skin was turning different colours as his body began to slip into a better more peaceful place. I'm thankful to have seen him, he was truly beautiful and there isn't a day that passes that I don't think about him and wish he could be here today where he belongs.
Though he's not here with us all, we'll never forget him. He is part of out family even in death. Now my auntie and uncle have another son, almost one. I'm his godparent, which I'm very proud of - We wouldn't let any harm come to this also beautiful child.
Though not everything in my life has been perfect, I'm glad to be who I am. I love my family, my friends and my boyfriend. Wouldn't change any of them. I'm thankful for everything I have.
Love Lana who Loves Life.
xx
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